It is rather early. She should not be scratching me tonight.
Accustomed to the usual intervals of ten to nineteen days, however the last three sessions had been intruded on by erectile dysfunction.
Same old scratch, always at night, under the sheets, did anything change? Have I changed? We never discuss these things. We did not discuss this one.
I would think she should have given more grace, maintained her old intervals or would she act differently now that it’s confirmed?
But… it hadn’t been ten days. I am sure it wasn’t nineteen either. Why will she now shorten the days?
In the moment my motions laid on prayer, blurred the luring sights and restrained the wondering thoughts. The quiet was peaceful and I was there next to her.
I made my customary move to respond to her that am aware of the signals she’s giving. I waited to let her finish her usual rituals which included the scratches. But she stopped short, turned and resigned.
Would it be she was she trying to confirm something… was she trying to humiliate me now, or rub it in and declare the state chronic and permanent?
Did she say “well I am sorry I can’t wake a dead man. It’s your fault now not mine”?
Misreading the moment, I naively proceeded to climb on. The session lasted as long as she wanted. She eventually roared and exploded.
From God we both heard different news and went on to sleep till the new morning.